During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
