First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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