Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
