You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
