Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
