She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
