What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
