As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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