she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
