i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
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I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize