so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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