After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you never un-have a 4some
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
