Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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