all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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