Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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