you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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