No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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