I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
