Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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