super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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