I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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