There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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