I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
