shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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