____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
