He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I understand Curling. That high.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize