My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
