chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
