Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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