wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
