felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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