So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
