Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
