In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
