No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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