if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
