you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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