Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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