No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
