dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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