You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
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I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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