it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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