well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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