We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
