Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the day after is always just damage control
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm both gender and math confused
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
