She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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