i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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