I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize