I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
