So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
