Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
