Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
why is half of my head shaved?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
