you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
