Sober January is a disaster.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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