I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
