Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
