I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
