just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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