Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
