I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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