Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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