Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's official drugs can't kill me
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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