Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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