so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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